Constructive Feedback is Not Offensive Feedback

I was delivering a presentation in front of several people when somebody cut me off to tell me that my pronunciation was incorrect. How would you react to this? A. Not being affected at all; B. Feeling offended and attacking the interrupter; or C. Saying thank you, pretending everything is OK but dying inside. For me, it was C. I immediately corrected myself and moved along. Nobody needs to know I felt a little uncomfortable and sensed humiliation in public.

The more I observed, the more I noticed that this person repeated the same behavior.
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It was almost like he/she was proud of knowing something that others didn’t.

Those who agree with what that interrupter did might argue that it was simply a constructive feedback. Or that I might be too sensitive, or that life is harsh so deal with it. However, I beg to differ that a constructive feedback should not be an offensive feedback.

This is a common misconception in our society. Pointing out someone’s mistake in public by cutting off their talks does not make you smart.
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I knew a person who had an OK english skill but terrified to speak because she was afraid to make mistake. And the presence of an interrupter who corrected her grammar every few minutes does not help either! If there was anything, she might lose her self-esteem instead.

For the last three years, I have been taught to give a constructive feedback in a positive way so that the other person is motivated to improve themselves. It is widely known as a “Sandwich Method”.

SANDWICH METHOD

A. The upper bread = Start with positive comments

Unfortunately, some of us jump into criticizing the other person instead of recognizing the good things they did. We tend to forget that everyone is good at something. Or the way Celeste Headlee, an American author and broadcaster, put it : Everybody is an expert in something. There is always something positive we can find from the other person, no matter how small it is. Our task is to find that positive aspect.

The reason why we start with positive comments first, and not the other way around, is because it is easier for people to accept criticism after we shower them with compliments. It will also help the other people from becoming defensive. Nonetheless, be specific and avoid over-compliments, or the other person might notice we are not being sincere.

B. The meat and cheese = Criticism

Some people are reluctant to give criticism because they don’t want to offend others. These kind of people”whitewash” their feedback, all compliments no suggestions. Our peers end up not knowing what they are lacking of, thus, they will repeat the same mistakes over and over again. This is why criticism is an essential part of feedback.

To give a feedback in a constructive way, I have always been taught to use the word ‘I’ such as “I think you could have done better if you did A.” or “In my opinion, your performance could improve if you do A in the future.” Be mindful that feedback is all about perspective and we could still be wrong. It is also up to the other person whether they want to apply those criticisms, or find a better way. By using the “I” statement, we avoid generalization at all cost.

C. The lower bread = Words of encouragement

Wrap up your feedback with something positive such as words of encouragement. Remember that we want to support the other person to improve, not to make them feel bad about themselves.
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Close your feedback with something like : “Overall, you accomplished this project and I am looking forward to seeing you shine brighter in the next one!” That sounds encouraging instead of condescending.

Looking back to my previous experience, I think my interrupter and I can be benefited from this sandwich method. However, the method is effective only if we deliver it in the right moment. Perhaps, wait for the speaker to finish their presentation instead of interrupting every few minutes. Don’t we all long for a positive and supportive learning environment? This sandwich method is something that I have been trying to apply in my daily lives for the last few years. It did me and so many people good.

Back then, I did leave people thinking “What is wrong with me” after my not-so-constructive feedback. We can see that from their facial expression. It happened to me too, and let me tell you, I gained less than I could have with those rather offensive feedback. So next time your peers ask for your opinion, remember to put this “Sandwich Method” in place and see if your feedback put a smile on their face 🙂

Remember, a constructive feedback should not be an offensive feedback!